It Only Takes a Split Second…

“It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime. We should all smile more often.” ― Steve Maraboli, acclaimed business trainer, speaker, best-selling author, radio show host, and philanthropist

How could someone forget their anger, sadness, frustration in a split second?  And then I got it.

You can.

We have a tendency to mull over life’s miseries and failures.  We allow ourselves to wallow in pain and hatred.  Our happiness, successes take second place and then become fleeting experiences.

It’s like someone who makes a lousy-tasting chicken soup, beats herself up over it and gripes about it an entire day…while it only takes that one split second for someone else to think of it as a lesson to make better soup next time. 

We all need that paradigm shift…make that huge leap of mind…and practice to respond in split seconds. J

The End?

As wars break out,

The sun rises, it sets.

As nature breaks down,

We breathe in, out.

As poverty goes up,

The sun rises, it sets.

As illnesses spread out,

We breathe in, out.

The world (as we know it!) is coming to an end, and we sadly, play the biggest part in its destruction. To those who initiate it, you can be defiant and continue on your path of destruction, but you know you will lose in the end.  To those who are ignorant, wake up and look around.  To those who decide to sit on the fence, well, shame on you.

Yes, the sun continues to rise and set and we continue to live...why bother?  Well, then, wait until it strikes you.

Top 10 Reasons Why People Join Religions

I’m fortunate to have grown up in a family that’s open to all religions.  I used to have a bible right beside my bed and having a QuanYin altar placed in the living room.  It has really allowed me to have a broader view of what religions are and what they mean to the worshipping masses…after years of contemplation, this list of top 10 reasons of why people join religions came to mind:

1. They explain life and death perfectly
2. They give us hope, happiness, comfort and security
3. They make us feel like we belong (and we’re no longer lonely)
4. My parents, family, and friends believe in the religion
5. They granted my wishes
6. And I want more “miracles” in my life
7. The “spiritual leader” is an astounding person
8. It just feels like the right thing to do
9. If I don’t, I won’t be able to go to heaven
10. I want to get to know more hot chicks and dudes (at church)

Whether these are “enough reason” for one to join a religion, is a question and is entirely up to the individual but know this...first, understand your heart and mind.  You join a book club because you love reading.  You don’t enroll in one in order to gain the love for reading.

Secondly, whichever religion you join, understand that they all have a common denominator – and that is to help an individual/you become a better person…whatever the belief systems or rituals…whoever the spiritual leader is.  Learn to embrace this most important reason for the existence of religions.

Finally, don’t depend on them to give you happiness or help you overcome each and every one of life’s obstacle.  If there’s one thing you can pray for or to gain, it’s these four main virtues - Wisdom, Patience or Tolerance, Compassion, and Courage.  With them, you’re more than ready to live life.  In other words, you’re learning to fish and not ask for a fish.

To believe or Not to Believe…

That is the question.

To disbelieve in religions and what they represent is also a form of belief.  To become a true atheist, it not a matter of denying the existence of god/gods, as this only means you are acknowledging their existence.  If there’s truly nothing, then you don’t have to fervently prove that there’s nothing.

Then, if you’re religious, it also makes sense that you don’t recognize that god/gods exist because by doing so you’re accepting their non-existence.  If there’s truly something, then you don’t have to passionately prove that there’s something.  This includes building houses of worship, reading religious books, performing religious rituals and miracles, etc etc.

The way I see it...there’s really no point to the long-standing argument.  JUST LEARN TO BE A BETTER PERSON ALREADY!  Or isn't this the whole point?

The True Meaning of Honesty

If others cannot be 100% truthful to you, then you owe it to yourself to be brutally honest with yourself about yourself…

No holds barred, no excuses, please!

And while self-honesty is a painful experience, it is also extremely liberating.

Therein lies the secret to making true changes in your life.

The day you see a cat in the mirror is the day you become the lion

One Person, One Thing at a Time...

For that One person, it makes all the difference in the World.

Are You Sure That You Are Kind?

Returning from a charity auction, this came to me...

That before you help others, donate to the less privileged, or champion for a cause, determine your true reason behind it. 

Is it because it’s the right thing to do?  Is it because others you know are doing the same?  Is it because you want to feel better about yourself or let others see you in a positive light?  Is it because you’ve nothing better to do?  Or because you think the good deeds will help you go to heaven when you die?  IF you do not really empathize with the other person…DON’T try to be kind or charitable.

Help others with the purest and most sincere of heart…not thinking of what you would get in return.  This, if you’re really frank to yourself, is not an easy state of mind to achieve.

So, it makes sense that before you help others, change your mind.  Before you help to change the world, change yourself.

The Best Thing About Becoming a Parent…

…is being able to love unconditionally.  This is the greatest lesson and gift life can give you.

If everyone showers the same love to people around them, then this world would be a so much more meaningful place to live in. And we would have created heaven on earth, our Shangri-La.  Heaven is not something you attain, but something we already have, here and now…if we see it.  It all starts with you.

Be patient to those who don’t have the wisdom and compassion and treat you terribly.  It will come to them, eventually.  Be patient and teach them through your actions.  One day they will see.  I promise, they always do.

Know and Master Thyself

I’ve come to realize how very important it is to know oneself.  Self-reflection is something that I enjoy, and I believe to be a lifelong journey.  It’s also a very scary one because you’ll be facing and acknowledging your own weaknesses and faults. 

But only when you can see the truth about yourself, will you be able to make changes.  It’s very sad to know that most of us do not want to see our true selves.  And for these people, they will never be able to grow in wisdom, grasp the true meaning of life and enjoy it to the fullest.

Once you know yourself, you will instinctively and inevitably gain self-esteem.  Possessing confidence simply means you will dare to grow into the best, whole and most fulfilled person you know how and not be easily shaken by the criticism of others, swayed by sinful temptations, and feel lost and alone.

Whatever faith or leader that you follow, or doctrine that you subscribe to, you must first understand and believe in yourself.  There’s nothing wrong with joining a group, but first, know your own heart.  Never join a group because you feel lost or think that that group can fill up the emptiness within or change your misfortune.  It must be at a point where even if you are or the world is stripped of all leaders, religions, that you’re still the kind, generous, patient, courageous, and wise person that you are.  How often have you met individuals who behave differently within a religious environment and when they are at home, at work?  How many people floundered, establishments destroyed, and countries collapsed just because their most beloved, idolized leader is gone?

Understand that YOU too can become a powerful being IF you know who you are and learn to master it.  The strength comes from within.  Whatever that you hope to achieve in life…it all starts from inside of you - in your heart and mind.

Money is NOT the Root of all Evil…

…human is.

In the beginning, money was developed to solve the barter problem.  It is used to exchange for goods, services, or resources.  In itself, a smart and noble invention!

Then, the human race starts abusing it.

Similar to religions and the various systems of government, the ideals behind these entities are good and justified, but it really takes a human to take advantage, thwart, and abuse the ideals behind them.  A recent abolishment of a long-standing law to protect its people from acts of terrorism by a particular government is a good example – while some parties may applaud the effort, they failed to recognize that the issue was never the law itself…it was the ABUSE of it.  We DO need a draconian law to “fight” against ACTUAL terrorists. 

If we continue to exploit innocent things for selfish reasons (more often than not, it boils down to an individual’s egotistical need for greater power, worship, social status, and money), we’ll all be destroyed one day…and you’re already seeing the impact it has in our societies today…and it’s not getting better. 

Questioning Death?

Part 1

Since the beginning of time, people of all ages, of all walks of life, question death. 

Well, the day you were born, you’re already on your path to death.  It’s a fact.  To live is to die.  So, life is death.  They are the same and one. 

Now, whilst we can’t dictate our own birth, and death of course is inevitable…there’s one thing though that we DO have complete control over – it’s the journey between these two points.  We can CHOOSE to start LIVING or CHOOSE to start dying. 

If you choose to “live”, then live it to the fullest – Live Each Day As It Were Your First (…not to live life as it were your last, but like the first day you were born…I don’t quite agree with being motivated by the idea of death, just so you can live life). Look at the world with curious eyes, with passion, without fear…yes, the world’s full of hope and possibilities…if you want it to be.  Even though most of us have grown cynical, fearful, and bitter as we age…the child in us never dies…we just have to look a bit harder...

Part 2

We also spend too much time contemplating what comes after death.  And it’s almost not acceptable for a person to die and just disappear forever from the face of this earth! 

The idea of heaven, rebirths…explains it…provides us with a sense of security…a sense of reassurance that it not’s the end even when we’re physically gone…it brings a sense of comfort to those who have lost their loved ones, knowing that their loved ones are in a better place.

But faiths aside, we’re never going to be really sure, are we? 

So, again, there’s no point…and no time to think of the afterlife.  Life’s too short.  The way I see it…while you’re here, just be the best person you can be and at the end of it all, let it be a celebration of life.

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Kids Ask the Darnest Things

I love children!  They are honest, direct.  They have no ulterior motives.  They don’t hold back.  They are unpretentious.  They are so much more than an adult can ever be.  You can learn a lot from the things they say…and ask, you know.  I certainly do. 

A couple once told me that they didn’t have answers to some of the “challenging” questions their little inquisitive daughter had for them.  And one of the questions that struck a chord with me is this…it's so simple and yet so very profound.

Why are there Malays, Indians and Chinese?

I can understand why the couple struggled with the question.  We are after all fundamentally the same, but unfortunately, we feel the need to make distinctions among ourselves.  We're judged by our race, color, creed, religion, sex, nationality, wealth and status and (are influenced too to) judge others based on these physical differences and beliefs.

It's an innocent question - but is nevertheless, a very important one.  And how the parents respond to it will set the foundation of how the kid sees the world.

Every completed jigsaw puzzle is made up of distinctly different pieces that fit perfectly together...if only more of us see this.

Mind Exercise, Anyone?

Meditation is a form of mind exercise/yoga.  It helps you let go of all thoughts, which include thoughts that instigate fear, worry, hatred, and sadness among others.

I learnt Taekwondo when I was a kid and I felt that one of the most difficult exercises was making the horse stance, ie. spread legs to shoulder width apart and lower your body by bending your legs without allowing the knee to go over your feet.  With hands on the hips, we were expected to keep this stance over long periods of time!  It was excruciatingly tiring and painful.  If we had to continue this physical torture non-stop, I could have easily collapsed.  Our mind works the same way.  The constant flow of thoughts and the feelings that stem from our thoughts will tire us out.  If we don’t learn to take breaks from the mental horse stance, our mind will eventually collapse.

It’s easy to take a breather from physical hardships, but who could really take time out from thinking… completely, utterly let go of thoughts altogether?!  Even if you sit down in a quiet place, listening to the music that you like, watching a movie that you like - these will all still provoke thoughts.  Why?  Because they are outside influences that can only give you a false sense of peace.  The truth is…if peace does not come from within you, it’s not peace.

There’re many meditative methods…and they are usually easier said than done.  Like being fully aware of your breathing is one way…no thoughts whatsoever, just being conscious of the inhaling, exhaling of air deep into and from your body, the gentle rising and lowering of your chest.  It was almost impossible at first for me…but even if you achieve one second of conscious breathing, that’s already a good achievement.  Be patient and gentle to yourself.  Once you’re better at it, you’ll find that you can hold your thoughts for longer periods of time.

From constant practice of this mind yoga, I’ve realized inner peace and relaxation, a sort of utter bliss that’s really hard to describe…when I come to, I would feel a renewed energy to face the world again. 

With this serenity of the mind, comes the realization that the most important things in life…are the simplest ones…things that we’ve taken for granted…like breathing, for example.  Hey, the most basic things in life are THE miracles.  Not when we’ve billions of dollars in our bank account.  Not when we’ve become a powerful person idolized by many.  Not even when we’ve found our one true love.  All this stuff can disappear as easy as they come…and when they do, we’re left with the basics… If we don’t even know how to appreciate the basics, we’re then left with nothing.

Our unhappiness comes from wanting too much in life.  Contemplate this – we come into this world alone, with no status, no pride, no money, no one with us, nothing and we leave this world the same way.  So, common sense tells us then to learn to appreciate ourselves like the day we were born.  The extra things we’ve gained throughout our life… are just icing on the cake.

Now, another major thing meditation has offered me is the gift of clarity.  As you try to NOT think when you meditate, thoughts will continue to flow into your mind.  I’ve learned to gently let them slide to the sides every time they come in…and before they manifest into vivid visuals and feelings.  Through this practice, I’ve also started to learn the art of being an observer of my own mind and thoughts.  Not like I’m controlling my mind or suppressing my feelings.  It's more like I’m learning to focus and understand them instead.  With understanding, I’m also able to see solutions clearly to problems I thought were impossible to solve before.  With understanding, what we thought were big problems, are actually and clearly not that major.  With understanding, we don’t get to the point of being frustrated, angry, fearful or even overly joyous.  It’s quite like I’m a third party looking on at another person’s life.  Don’t you think you can always see things more clearly and know what to do better for others, then when it comes to your own life?

Some call meditation religious, and a lot are now saying that it can promote good mental health based on scientific findings.  What do I say?  Well, I believe (and this is my personal opinion) that our much revered "forefathers" were wise beyond words to have created meditation or have instilled some form of it in the various religions because they knew the immense value of meditating, way back then.  Today’s experts took it one step beyond, to study and explain it in a more scientific way so more people can understand and accept its benefits.

Whatever it is – I can only explain meditation the way I’ve have experienced it - mind yoga is a little of peace, appreciation, focus, and understanding.  But above all else, it's about learning to love yourself.

Thank Goodness for Traffic Jams!

I spend an average of two hours a day stuck in traffic…and this is just the time travelling to and fro office.  This is equivalent to 730 hours, 30 days or 1 month on the road in a year, NOT counting the hours spent going out for meetings, running errands, etc etc; not counting the many more hours sitting stagnant in the car during heavy downpours, unexpected road closures, accidents, and roadblocks.

Now, if we spend so much of our lifetime in traffic, it naturally becomes a significant part of our life.  We can’t discount the impact it has on our emotional state, health and well-being.  So after decades of waiting it out in a car, this is my conclusion.

You can be totally enraged with the horrendous traffic jams (and the bad drivers) and suffer even more stress and heartaches (which we really don’t need in our complicated lives)…or make that BIG U-turn in your mind and put the “congested” situation to good use.

…and the top five things I learned from traffic jams *honk-roll*:

1)   Patience – in life, you can’t rush to achieve success and happiness.  What we CAN do is take one traffic light at a time, one bump at a time.  Sometimes, if there’s really nothing we can do…do nothing. Wait for the green light…which never fails to light up anyways.

2)   Open-mindedness – during heavy traffic, cars always move faster in the left/slow lane…just like life, if we’re fixated with what we think is the truth or what we think is right, we’ll miss out on greater, more creative opportunities.  Be open to new ideas, new possibilities.  Go with the flow.

3)   Calm & clarity – in any given situation, staying calm ensures you stay ahead of the game.  No matter how much some people or some things try to provoke the anger or frustration in you, let it slide.  Reacting to provocation on the road (or in life) is dangerous (to you and other “drivers”).  What’s more, it’s just ridiculous to bring anger on to yourself when the other party is not affected.

4)   Self-reflection – a traffic jam is a great way to spend time with the most important person in the world - yourself…a perfect way to end the day while listening to your favorite song or DJ.  Now, if you’re stuck in traffic with loved ones, then just take it as an opportunity to spend quality time with them.

5)   Last but not least, traffic jams do make me learn how to stop (and live in the moment).  You’ll need to silent the busy mind in order to see the way out. 

So, all I can say is…thank goodness for traffic jams! J

Live in the Now…

The past cannot be changed, and the future can only be determined by what you do now.

A long, long time ago, there was a very famous Clothing Maker.  She made the most heavenly-looking dresses, dresses well sought after by noble ladies, princesses, and queens from the four corners of the world.  She was also blessed with a caring husband and two beautiful children. 

Soon, her distinctive design and sewing skills and fame reached the ear of an Old Woman who lived oceans apart and deep in the woods of the world’s highest mountain.  This Old Woman used to have the most stunning appearance.  Her beauty envied by many women and loved by countless men.  But years flew past and she turned haggard and withered.   Thus, she stayed hidden in this secluded land so others would not be able to see how “ugly” she has become.  This exceptional clothing maker was her ticket out.

So, the Clothing Maker was summoned to Old Woman’s forbidden abode. “Design the world’s most exquisite dress that would make me look beautiful and young again!”  Confidently, the Clothing Maker then went to work to create “the world’s most exquisite dress” for this rich Old Woman.  And the day came when the Clothing Maker completed one of her best creations and sent it to the Old Woman.  The richness of the red velvet dress sewn together with sparkling rubies did look truly magnificent.  But no matter how the Old Woman turned and posed in front of the mirror, she looked the same – hunched and wrinkled.  “How could this be?!” thought the Clothing Maker, alarmed and confused.  She was the best clothing maker in the world after all!  There was no way she could not make the Old Woman looked good.  So it was that the Clothing Maker was sent home, without pay.

Clothing Maker then locked herself in her sewing room, trying to re-make the dress for the Old Woman…days passed, the house was left unattended, her family uncared for…then, years went by, her family moved away, thick dust and cobwebs settled in the house…ignorant to her surroundings, she pushed doggedly ahead.  Then, one day, the Old Woman passed away…Clothing Maker was devastated that she still couldn’t make the perfect dress for the Old Woman before she died.  With this realization, she suddenly felt a draft of cold air swept passed her, smelled the pungent odor of her unwashed body, heard the eerie silence of the house, and for the first time in years, saw that she had nothing left.

Live in the now.

Be a Creator

We’re bound to live through the various experiences in life - the ups and downs, the wonderful and the painful, the significant experiences and the minor ones, that shape the way we are.  The only thing we can do...is to embrace them all. 

I believe that the most fortunate people are those who HAVE many, many opportunities to experience life.  The most fortunate and wise ones though are those who TAKE the experiences as opportunities to learn and grow. 

And then, there’s another type of people who CREATE life’s experiences.  If you could overcome your challenges, imagine how much more farther you could go if you daringly *do one thing every day that scares you.  The sky’s the limit!  *Quote by Eleanor Roosevelt and which has been a source of inspiration for me.  

So, come out of your safety zone.  Say YES.  Say YOU CAN.  Go out there and start making mistakes.  Go out there and screw up your life, that’s what I’m saying.  Because only then…only then, will you realize your fullest potential and be the best that you can be.

Wise “Words” or Wisdom?

Books and wise advice don’t work.  Reading gives you information and enriches the mind.  Wise advice gives you knowledge and makes you ponder…for a short while…but they don’t give you the kind of insight and understanding that life’s experiences do.  Of course, there’s nothing wrong in reading and listening for inspiration but frankly, they have no profound, long-standing impact in your life.  My uncle who used to gorge on plates of “nasi lemak” and “char koay teow” knew it was unhealthy to eat these fatty foods.  Yes, he read about the “benefits of taking nutritious diets”, heard the countless grumbles from his wife, heeded the warnings from his doctor.  Sure, he tried.  To be fair, he tried hard.  But he always, somehow, ended up…savoring his “nasi lemak” and “char koay teow” with a relish….well, until the day he had to do his heart bypass.  Articles on heart health – knowledge.  Nagging from wife and doctor – irritation.  Bypass surgery – experience that bestowed him with the wisdom to make that big change in his life.  Of course, this story is perhaps painting it too harsh – and why do we always have to go through something so devastating to change?

To something lighter then.  My four-year-old nephew is a stubborn boy…like most kids his age are.  It’s amusing to observe the constant tests of willpower between parents and child.  One Saturday, as we were out shopping together, this little fellow, as usual, had the excitement and energy of an Energizer bunny.  To his parents’ frustration, shouts of “Don’t run or else…!  You’ll fall!  Be careful” only spurred him on.  Before they start to pull their hair out or start spanking the little one’s backside, this aunty stepped in.  “Just…let him run,” I said.  They were totally bewildered by the thought of…just letting it be.  “Kids need their space too, you know?”  “Huh?!!  Are you nuts?!” his parents said.  I told them to trust me and let him be.  So, he ran and ran and ran…and he ran so fast that…he went right smack into a pillar.  Nothing too serious, just a small bump on his forehead but a really, really painful experience.  For the rest of the day, he stopped running.

Books and wise advice don’t work – they alone can’t help you, but used in tandem with life’s experiences…now, that’s powerful!  Be thankful for the good things in life but be extra thankful for the challenges and mistakes, because they are only there to help make you a wiser person.